Celle

So, my fellow teacher and I have a code name for our most-loathed students. It's 'celle'. It's short for 'celle que je déteste', which means 'the one that I hate'. Even though 'celle' is the feminine form (it all began my first year with a girl who was a complete pill) it can be used for both male and female students. It's just easier that way. Anyway, I have a 'celle' this year. He's a freshman. He says, "This is hard!" for every. single. activity. The class he is in is no longer allowed to eat in class because he would bring in complete meals and one day half of the classroom was covered in granola because he decided to bring cereal (luckily the milk wasn't on it yet). For a solid month, he either tried to sneak food in class or whined about not being able to eat until I told him he would have detention if he ever mentioned food again. He took his entire shirt off one time to show me his sunburned shoulder. He does not shut up and is incapable of staying in his seat or facing forward. In short, a joy! Today, I found out he gave one of my former student's this:The bow has his initials on it. I'm sure there is an element of joking in this. He thinks he's very funny. But my former student isn't quite sure what to make of it. They're not really friends, they're just both on the track team. So, she's not sure if it's a total joke or if it's just him trying to let on that he likes her in a goofy way. In any case, it's priceless. It's a rare celle who has some entertainment value coupled with their irritating personalities. I'm just sad that it would be totally inappropriate for me to tease him about his.

Beelzebub

One of my students left his workbook in my classroom the other day. I opened the front cover to see whose it was and I saw the word "DEVIL" written over and over....at least thirty times. I asked him about it the next day and he said, "It was right after you took away my cell phone and I was really mad." I'll be honest, this concerns me. He tried to reassure me that he was not calling me devil but I'm definitely going to be keeping my eye on this kid. This could be the first warning sign!

What kind of charity is this?

Our school does an annual "Toys for Tots" drive around Christmas and I have a flyer advertising it on my board. One of my students looked at it and said, "What's 'Toys for Toots'?" That's 'toots' as in short for 'Tootsie', not as in 'farts'. Maybe Dustin Hoffman is in need of some toys?

Whiteboard Fun

There was a little downtime in class today and some students started drawing on the board. This one kid decided to draw a picture of me riding a horse, naturally. He was trying to be accurate so he drew me wearing a scarf (I am a French teacher, after all). When I looked at it, it did NOT look like a scarf, it looked like he had drawn really big boobs on me. I wasn't quite sure how to address it so I just said, "What's going on up top?" He redrew it and wrote "scarf" on it so it was extra clear. I'm quite glad that I did not have to utter the word "boobs" to a student, particularly when referencing a drawing of myself.

The weirdness begins!

Well, it's the second week of school and the kids are already showing me their special personalities. In my French 1 class yesterday I went to the back of the room to help a student with an activity and when I came back there was a note on my computer. Since I've failed to develop the "eyes in the back of your head" that every good teacher is supposed to possess I had not even seen anybody get up. I opened it up and it said: "Moi avoir un le chat en mon pantalon." which is supposed to say "I have a cat in my pants" but actually said, "Me to have a the cat in my pants." What the? I obviously asked who had done it (just out of curiousity) but I was hesitant to actually tell the class what it said because I have a fear that any sentence ending with "in my pants" has a dirty meaning, at least in the teenage mind. Nobody fessed up.

Boys

Here are some random interactions I've been having with my students:

#1
We'll call the first student Matthew. I'm sure Matthew will be a perfectly nice person in 20 years but right now he is a pill. After an unexpected break from school, I had the following conversation with him:

Me: I haven't seen you in two weeks, you've been in class for two minutes and you're already getting on my nerves. (Sometimes I think I need to work on my filter with my students)

Matthew: It was only a week and a half.

I'm glad I was able to make my point.

#2
Let's call the second student José. José is a nice kid but L-A-Z-Y. I called on several students to write some homework answers on the board. As soon as I called on the last student, José blurted out, "I love you for not calling on me!!"

Love?! Wow! Can I somehow translate this to my dating life? What is the dating equivalent of not calling on someone?

#3
I got a new student who is from South Korea. He had lived in England for awhile so he speaks some English. On the first day he was in my class he came up to me, pointed to my poster for the movie, "Paris, je t'aime" and said, "You know, that is not a French movie." I said, "I know, but it's about France." Take a minute and think about an appropriate response. Got one? Was it "In England they say 'Frahnce'" ? No? Because that was the response that I got. I've only had this kid in class twice and he's been consistently awkward. And I caught him digging for some serious gold.

How I'm not a high schooler

I was talking to my students about what they did over Christmas break. They asked me what I had done. I prefaced something I was going to say with "Well, my mom was out of town..." and before I could finish a student piped in with, "So you had a party?"

Yes. My mom is such a drag, always keeping me from having fun! I showed her.

Forgery

Last year I caught a student playing his gameboy in my class, so I took it away. I told him he could have it back when I got a note from his mom. He decided it would be more painful to lose the gameboy than tell his mom. Near the end of the year he kept asking for it back and I always said, "When I get a note from your mom." I kept the gameboy all summer. I don't have him in class this year but he still comes by to ask for it. A few weeks ago, he came by with this:

My favorite things:

1. He got the year wrong

2. The numerous corrections

3. While you can't see it, he used my first name so it would appear more legitimate

4. "Sincerely, my mom"

I love when they do stuff like this! This kid just asked me for a college recommendation (yes, he's a senior) and he started by saying, "I thought about all 21 teachers I've had in high school and none of them like me. So..." I told him I might write a more favorable recommendation if he got a note from his mom....

PS I was telling another student about this and instead of saying "I took away his gameboy" I accidentally said, "I took away his Playboy." Now that would be a different story altogether!

Dork

I have this student who is a little quirky....For example, he spent the first month of class speaking in a British accent because another student said she would pay him $5 if he did it the entire year. We had this exchange the other day:

Student: Mademoiselle H, you have never pronounced my name correctly!

Me: That's because on the first day of school when I asked how to pronounce your name, you said, "Whatever".

Student: I know! Isn't that a great trick? Hey, can you call me Boss Hogg?

Are you doing this on purpose?

I teach French 1. It is very fun to teach a class where the topic is completely new to them and the progress they make throughout the year is so apparent. But, man, sometimes it's all I can do not to hit them. Case in point, this Friday. I was giving a test. There was a listening activity with a picture of two students' desks. They had to listen to their friends ask for different school supplies and then respond yes or no according to whether or not the item was on that student's desk. The labeling of the desks was not very obvious so I pointed out which desk belonged to which student. Here is how the next few minutes went:





Student A: Wait, which desk is Christophe's?


Me: The one on the left.


30 seconds later:


Student B: Don't start yet! How do you know which desk is which?


Me: I just told you, Christophe's is on the left.


10 seconds later:


Student C: How are we supposed to know whose desk it is?


Me: Listen to me! And Annick's name is written on the notebook on her desk.


20 seconds later:


Student D: I don't know which desk is Christophe's and which is Annick's!


Me: LOOK AT YOUR PAPER!!!!! IT SAYS ANNICK RIGHT THERE!!!!! (bang the student's desk for effect and to avoid hitting the student)


2 seconds later (Seriously? Did you not hear the yelling and the banging?!?!?! And the ten explanations before that?????):


Student E: Excuse me, Mademoiselle H, I can't tell which desk is which.


Me: ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

French Names

In French 1 the students did a reading where there was someone named "Hughes". I was demonstrating the French pronunciation for them which is something like "Ewg". This prompted the following response:



Ewg?! That sounds like a DEMON!

I had never viewed that name in such a way before but now I don't know if I can trust anyone named Hughes.

Ah, Freshmen

French 1 class. Two very nice, but very freshmonic boys are trading insults and disrupting class.

Me [after several requests to stop]: Can you please just try to act like normal human beings?

Student #1 [earnest, to the point of whining] : I’m doing the best I can!